This has been my life for a long time; battling the Reno's and Decorating while also keeping up with all the normal House Work that I do - there is a lot of that!!
I have felt ashamed of myself and my life for quite a while. However, tonight (well, this morning as it is 4:22 AM here) I have decided to swap the shame for gratitude that I have a home to clean, decorate, renovate... I have decided to go ahead and enjoy the journey!
For many years I have been so scared and anxious about anyone coming to our little home - even my Mama and Daddy who I am very close to. When there was a knock on our door, I would burst into tears and beg my precious Love to go to the door and deal with who ever was there. It is NOT a good way to live!
So, from today on I am going to share my journey in the hope that I can help someone who is going through the same troubles!
Loneliness is so hard to have to live with. Hiding is so soul destroying - you feel isolated and so sad!
I am no longer hiding; I am going to share my journey, pray, and delight myself in hard work, one room at a time, starting with sewing my curtains and frills for the Lounge - Dining Room.
God's precious Word tell us not to be afraid of what people think and say, so from now on I am going to share The Good, The Bad and The Outright Ugly! Please don't judge me as I have been doing enough of that for all the people in the world!
Life is so wonderful! It is also a wonderful gift from God, and I don't intend to share mine any longer with fear, anxiety, depression, and hatred for myself over how bad all of this looks. I have found that it fixes nothing; in fact, it only adds to the heartbreak and hatred for myself!
Just a little background on how our home got this bad: I live with my precious Hubby (the love of my heart) and our very lovable son (Joshua). Both of my men are Autistic and suffer with both anxiety and bad depression. Joshua also has epilepsy and brain damage just to mention a few of his other problems. (The Autism and brain damage have caused him to have great difficulty understanding this life.)
Because of their disabilities, most if not all of the Reno's, Decorating and house work falls to me. Don't get me wrong - I love it all very much. However, I also get very tired, and then have to slacken off till I feel better in order to continue, and bit by bit it is all getting done!
I have been blessed with a wonderful gardener who is working wonders in the garden, and I just appreciate this lovely man heaps! It is like having my Daddy around to help! We no longer have a garden that has grass up to my waist (and higher). Now I have a garden that is pure joy to walk around in! Ross even built me a long wanted veggie garden today; thank you Ross!!
So each day I am going to come here and share how much further I have come with this amazing journey from chaos to a home in which I am going to love living and entertaining my delightful family!
Stay tuned.
I also want to start a Bible study on the Proverbs 31 woman!
Love and Blessings.
💖💖💖💖💖
The photos above were taken a while back! It isn't nearly that messy now. We have taken several trailer loads of stuff to the tip, and there is more to go!
Antony.
